Too Tired, No Time
January 6, 2008
HelenMarie’s Outrageous Energy Living is dedicated to all of us who have ever not done what we really wanted to do because we were too tired or didn’t have time or both.
I think of it as the TTNT, Too Tired, No Time
TTNT blasts the joy and spontaneity out of your life and mine.
I come from a long line of “A” type personalities. In my family, work is an acheivement in itself. A man carring rocks back and forth even with no purpose, is better than a man sitting on a rock thinking about the project and how he will acheive the efficient transfer of the rocks. Planning is something you do on the job or when you are too exhausted to stand up anymore, sitting is avoided.
I was called lazy as I child, cause I liked to daydream.
I could float away on a snowflake, disappear into a cloud, dance with the leafs in the wind, in the blink of an eye. I worked diligently to prove that I was not lazy. My cousins and I often went to Auntie’s farm to help during the summer holidays. I tried so hard to keep up with my energetic cousins.
One day we were haying. I was on the wagon behind the baler stacking the bales as they came out. These bales were alalfa they weighted about 80 pounds, it was 86 degrees F in the field and I passed out. That was the end of my baling career I was banned to the homeplace were instead of baling I did the morning and evening chores and all the cooking and cleaning for the crew which was about 10 people, this was considered light duty.
I thought it was.
I felt guilty that while I was preparing food I could listen to the radio that I was slacking off. I enjoyed being alone and working in my own way. I got the work done on time; although not exactly as Auntie would have done it. She was liberated for the kitchen and out in the fields working with the crew which she loved. My fainting on the hay wagon turned into a win.win for all of us.
As an adult I did a very good impression of working till I dropped, often driving myself so hard I ended up in the hospital or in bed too exhausted and sick to do anything but sleep. I was driven and never questioned that way of life until I became pregnant.I finally figured out that it was not that I did too much.
It was I did that which I had no interest in doing and I did not know how to stop.I taught myself yoga, I had done 5BX for years (5BX was the women’s version of an aerobic routine developed by the RCAF). I saw Karine a Swedish woman on TV and she opened the door to a new kind of movement yoga, that I really enjoyed.
My best freind signed me up for a vipassana yoga class as a Christmas gift, we had no idea that this was not hatha yoga, well…… vipassana is about sitting in silence and not movement. I had brought my “ride ‘em” back chair to the class as I had recently had acute back pain. I learned during that class that it was impossible for me to sit still and that the chair squeaked everytime I moved. I was faced with the prospect of sitting still all day and not talking.
What a challenge!
My friend and I stayed for the entire day in that old nunnery building down by the Elbow River in Calgary. That vipassana day was a turning point. I didn’t realize it at the time however it was the first step in learning about mediation and the eastern philosphies and using those “looking glasses” to view myself and my world.
So now I meditate often and I still squarm like a worm and suffer from restlessness when I sit. A wonderful man taught me Tibetan hand meditation for when I cannot even stand to sit for one blessed moment and that has saved me from giving up entirely.
I sat a N.S. Genoka 10 day and it was torture and a delight. I am so proud to have done it. It is a wonderful course and I would recommend it to anyone. I have friends who sit that 10 day at least once a year somewhere. The course is a miracle experience and offered around the world for dana.
If you don’t know what that is google it!
I noticed when I sat for 11 hours a day in silence and ate three huge meals and 2 snacks a day that I didn’t gain weight. I pondered this when I came home and weighted myself I had lost three pounds. How could that be, I mean the vegetarian fare was delicious and I ate as if I might never see food again. The food was cooked by laughing, smiling people I could hear them in the kitchen. I was hungry not only for the food, I was also hungry for the sound of their voices.
These two experiences were the beginning of my search for the peace of mind which would allow me to have the energy to do the things I wanted to do.
Namaste.
I would like to suggest just for today you practice a piece of peace that I read about in one of Deepak Chopra’s books.
I call it the Namaste Day, just for one day say namaste silently to every person you come in contact with. Made eye contact if possible and say silent a silent namaste. (I do it to animals too.) As you pass a stranger on the sidewalk a brief glance and a silent namaste. A colleage comes into your space eyecontact and namaste at the beginning or at the end of the conversation or both. It has a marvelous effect in the world.
Thank you Deepak.
Have a namaste day, eh!
<3
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