Fear and Loathing
January 20, 2008
Come, come whoever you are, no matter how many times you have broken your vows, come, come again………this paraphrase of a Sufi song, reminds me to be kind to myself when I don’t do the things I said I would do.
I think often of another gem from Chinese culture, “it doesn’t matter how many times we fall down, it’s how many times we stand up”. Sometimes the bumps and bruises of life cause us to become cynical about the goodness of the world.
Trying is a much maligned process in popular self-help culture, as is hope. Some pseudo gurus say that “trying” and “hope” predispose the action to failure. I do not think so.
Hope and trying are two behaviors that lead to self love; and self love is a path to happiness and success. Happiness is not possible without loving yourself.
Some would argue that success is possible without forgiveness. There are many famous people who have built there image and empire on revenge and destructive competition. I suggest if you loath other people it is a reflection of your one self-loathing.
Outrageous Energy Living is a way of the warrior. I am not talking about blood and gore and heads chopped off here.
I use warrior to mean “one who is brave”.
The first step in warrior-ship is not being afraid of yourself. When we are afraid of ourselves. We imagine the world as a dangerous and fearful place and we become selfish believing our selfishness will protect us from the world.
We want to amass great wealth, live in a gated community. This accumulation of material possessions including money are often used as a way to absent ourselves from the world. We are here to love in the world and be happy, rejoice in our lives and in the lives of others. When we truly love ourselves we begin to see and love the world and the people in it; we become warrior, unafraid to venture into reality.
“If we are willing to take an unbiased look, we will find in spite of all our emotional and psychological ups and downs, there is something basically good about our existence as human beings. Unless we can discover the ground of goodness in our live, we cannot hope to improve the lives of others. If we are simply miserable and wretched, how can we possibly imagine, let alone realize, an enlightened society?” These are the words of Chogyam Trungpa.
So forgiveness starts with self.
Recognize your own divinity and your flaws.
Trungpa speaks of the tender heart, the heart that goes out into the world and stays loving and kind no matter what happens or how other people treat you. This is bravery, this warrior-ship. This is grace and elegance in the art and practice of life, this is warrior-ship.
So how do we begin to love ourselves, to treat ourselves well. Some would say take a bath, buy yourself a present. The is OK as far as it goes.
I suggest that the first step to self love is silence. Simply let yourself have some quiet time each day. Many people would say oh, you want us to meditate. Meditation is a good thing and I practice personally.
I was overwhelmed by the chaos in my mind and meditation was a chore and another reason to beat myself up “a should”, until a friend gave me Jon Kabat-Zinns book “Wherever You Go There You Are”.
This book liberated my mediation practice. This wonderful man simply said if you can be still for five minutes that is wonderful, if you can sit for 20 minutes that is wonderful. Until I read Zinn I had decided that since I did not mediate at dawn that it didn’t count. Zinn says anytime is a good time. So any time is a good time for mediation, any place is a good place and every second of silence counts toward peace of mind. Liberation! Yahoo!
I am after some 20 years of stop and start sitting, I am a restless meditate. I have learned to use meditations that use movement such as Tibetan hand mediation and walking mediation and “standing outside quietly and appreciating nature”, on the days when I find it impossible to sit still. The later is my own invention. The desire to move and meditate drew me to the Sufis, who dance to pray. What a outrageously delightful idea.
So step one for warrior-ship is cherish yourself through stillness.
I leave you with this wonderful poem today.
Last night, as I was sleeping
I dreamt –marvelous error!–
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
and the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.
This poem comes from the Spanish poet Antonio Machado, translated exquisitely by the master Robert Bly.
Come, come whoever you are, not matter how many times you have broken your vows, come, come again.
Namaste.
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